Search for love
Most people want love. The craving for approval and affection from others is embedded into our DNA. We need to belong. We NEED to feel loved. This is all normal.
Onlinedating - chatting, flirting, falling in love
Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as true love, like in the good old movies of Casablanca or The Notebook? When I was a teenager, I was mesmerized by this dream that someday there would be someone who would love me so unconditionally that he would literally die for me. After all, you see that all the time in the movies.
After the tangible basics of food and water, love is our most essential need for surviving and thriving as living beings. This lays the basic foundation for our growth and journey in life. Since I was unable to recall being loved or shown any affection as a child, I held onto this dream that someday, somewhere, someone would truly love me. Subconsciously, this underlying desperate craving and desire for love drove all my relationships.
I expected romantic relationships to fill a spot deep inside me where there was a colossal empty hole. Whenever I fell in love, my heart would open up totally and engulf the other with an ocean of love.
But my love came with a condition, that they should and would love me back unconditionally. That was my dream come true, or so I thought. I ended up marrying my true love, had three beautiful children, and committed diligently to a roller coaster ride of a nineteen-year marriage. My marriage of true love had intense polarities similar to my emotions and mental states. I would swing from divine happiness when he met my expectations to the crushing and wrenching of my heart when my needs remained unfulfilled.
To avoid painful conflicts, I trended toward being accommodating and then slowly progressed into being passive and abject—just to make sure I would always have his love. When we play that role, then obviously we will attract or sustain relationships that will mutually fulfill that role. This passive submission became quite natural for me, as my sense of worth was totally defined by my husband.
I thought I knew he loved me, so I would do anything to maintain his approval and love. The dynamics of our relationship remained such over the course of our marriage until I started to heal from my childhood past and my true self started to emerge.
Gradually as my true self of worth, esteem, and courage started to take shape, I started to look for respect and mutual understanding. Divergence toward opposite poles led to differences in values, interests, and wavelengths until our soul connection died a slow death and we eventually parted ways. I used to cry myself to sleep, alone, on most nights. My true love was not as real or lasting as I thought. Later, I met a beautiful African drummer who freed my spirit, as his music would touch and fill that colossal hole that was still there.
His exotic, handsome looks and charming manners made me feel like I was the most important and beautiful woman in the world. Again, I poured my heart open and gave all my conditional love.
In the early part of any relationship, we can be blinded to the true nature of the person if our internal lack and need form our filters of perception. We will only see what we seek to find, and the other will consciously or unconsciously reflect what we crave and need. My African god wanted me to marry him as a free ticket into my country as much as I wanted unconditional love in return.
He played on my neediness for love by using demanding and chauvinistic behaviors to control me. I ended that relationship promptly and spent weeks nursing the pain and tears of a broken heart. Why was I not able to find someone to love me as much as I loved them?
That was all I wanted in life, to be loved unconditionally. If we love from the place of lack, no person or event can ever fill that hole. Moving from one person to another might change the scene and scenario, but eventually the same conflict, issues, and imperfections will surface again. A few years later I went on a trekking trip to the Nepal Himalayas and fell in love with a mountaineer and his quiet strength. In him, I sensed the spirit of the mountains and the freedom of his soul.
He carried within him the peace and calm that filled my colossal hole again. In him, I experienced tenderness and wholeness. He carried my photo with him to the summit of highest mountain in the world. No man had ever declared such extent of love for me. I was certain this was true love. But alas, he was a married man. So the only love that I thought was true love was not to be had.
This was the most devastating pain since my marriage ended. In deep grieving I wept, curled up for days in bed, and slinked back into the hole of despair. Without love, this life was void. It was like breathing without air and living without a heartbeat. In the depth of that suffocating pain, my soul was stripped bare, and in that totally exposed and vulnerable state, I surrendered to life.
In the total surrender, acceptance held me within the pain and hopelessness. And I slept. Over the days that followed, a peace emerged, and then as spontaneous as the sun can shine again after the clouds have moved, something shifted within me.
I was already present there as unconditional love itself. Unconditional love for the imperfect me, the hurting, lost, unloved child; the desperate woman I had grown to be, who sought for the definition of my worth through everyone else but myself. I thought I would find it in another human being who would be the love of my life because I never had it from my parents. I craved unconditional love but I never loved unconditionally because I never knew it in myself.
When I dropped the search and surrendered, it simply unfolded. I realized my true love had been right here all along, within me. It was me, in my purest form, when all my layers of pain and perceptions had dropped. There was no more hole, for I had found my true and divine love, and this love now overflows not from lack but from abundance. Heart in clouds image via Shutterstock. Patsie Smith is a spiritual author, self-healing and self-realization facilitator, meditation and yoga teacher.
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It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Click here to read more. Think Web Strategy. By Patsie Smith. As our relationship progressed, I started to see his true colors. About Patsie Smith Patsie Smith is a spiritual author, self-healing and self-realization facilitator, meditation and yoga teacher.
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When one begins their search for a partner or spouse, there is a dual purpose behind it. Firstly, they want to have the experience of being loved by someone. Looking for love? These dating tips will help you find the right person and build a satisfying relationship.
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Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person?
It is a jungle out there. Everybody is looking for that elusive one true love.
Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person
We have all been there. We try to make a guy like us. The more we try, the less they like us. The best way to attract a guy is to be you. Most men want a woman who is confident, stands up for herself and knows what she wants. We are happier when we love and respect ourselves.
Searching For Love?
Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as true love, like in the good old movies of Casablanca or The Notebook? When I was a teenager, I was mesmerized by this dream that someday there would be someone who would love me so unconditionally that he would literally die for me. After all, you see that all the time in the movies. After the tangible basics of food and water, love is our most essential need for surviving and thriving as living beings. This lays the basic foundation for our growth and journey in life. Since I was unable to recall being loved or shown any affection as a child, I held onto this dream that someday, somewhere, someone would truly love me. Subconsciously, this underlying desperate craving and desire for love drove all my relationships. I expected romantic relationships to fill a spot deep inside me where there was a colossal empty hole. Whenever I fell in love, my heart would open up totally and engulf the other with an ocean of love. But my love came with a condition, that they should and would love me back unconditionally.
OkCupid, meanwhile, has found that mentions of the virus on UK profiles are skyrocketing. I am not active on any apps at the moment, but I have been picturing those first dates taking place against the backdrop of a global pandemic.
If you listen to any number of love songs, dating "experts", or plunge head first into a romance novel, you're likely to think it's in our destiny to find that special someone — your soul-mate. But how do you know if you've found "the one"? Will the birds sing? Will you see fireworks or a shooting star?
Why We Use the Search For Love to Escape Ourselves
Just because the whole world seems to obsess about romance during one day in the middle of February, doesn't mean you have to. For happy singles, it's a good excuse to eat chocolate. But if Valentine's Day has you thinking about finding love, the holiday could be a good motivation to start. Join social groups or meet-ups; be a worker bee in a cause you believe in; get involved in political parties. Bite the bullet and try online dating for a big pool of potential candidates, Schwartz added. Wherever you are, be present and look around the room to see who is looking at you. These are the top states for 'positive relationships'. Tessina, a California psychotherapist also known as "Dr. Like yourself and like your life — really work on that, Schwartz advised. Author's advice to find love. Most good love is a slow burn — it takes a while to develop, Gandhi said. Emotion can change and deepen over time so give people a fair shot, Feuer added. Like-minded people actually make for easier and healthy long-term relationships, said Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York psychiatrist. The more you see eye-to-eye on, the less there is to argue and compromise about.
The graphs that show the search for love has changed
Love is so elusive that it can seem like the quest to find it will never end. There are no surefire steps guaranteed to bring you love, but if you follow this guide, you'll be headed in the right direction. Lisa Shield. Avoid ghosting the other person if they're not what you're looking for. Love and relationship expert Lisa Shield says: "Sometimes people will just disappear rather than saying honestly, "I don't think we're a match. At the very least, send an email or a text saying you're no longer interested. You can also try a dating service, including online dating, to help you meet a person who would potentially be a good match for you. To learn how to ask someone you're interested in on a date, keep reading the article! Did this summary help you?
