Love is hard to find
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Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person
Remember Me. Our need for love is present from our time in the womb; our capacity for healthy growth and development physical, mental and emotional depends on it. We are born with both a predisposition to give and a longing to receive love, with our capacity to effectively do either relying on the other being fulfilled. So if we all have the capacity to love, and we all need love, why is love so hard to find? The conventional response to this question is that love—true, real love—is rare, and that finding it is a matter of luck, aligned stars and divine intervention.
I repeat: Most people, most of the time, are not looking for love—even when we are desperate to find it. Love—true love, the kind that nurtures relationships and the people committed to them—is a very specific thing, defined by respect, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, fidelity and safety.
However, these are not the things we are taught to look for in our search for love. Instead, in our search for authentic, lasting love, we are taught to look for:.
Good living: Someone willing and able to share the lifestyle that you have or aspire to. Good sex: Someone who fulfills all of your erotic fantasies and sexual needs. Good status: Someone who will bring you popularity and respect by association. Good religion: Someone who worships the same God, and in the same way, as you do. These are all legitimate relationship attractors —they draw people to one another, which is both healthy and natural.
Attractors are perfectly fine as a first screen to narrow down the pool of what you desire in a potential relationship partner, based on your preferences as an individual. However, looks, sex, money, status, lifestyle and religion are not love.
Physical appearance will be impacted by time, diet, health, genetics and injury. Career changes are inevitable, and financial fortunes are lost as quickly as they are gained. The desire and capacity for sex can be effected by everything from pregnancy to high blood pressure. Yet, these changing attractors are exactly what we are taught to look for in our search for resilient, lasting love. It is critical to understand that you will find whatever you are looking for—even if what you are looking for is not what you really want.
So if you are determined to find someone who is gorgeous, great in bed, with a six-figure income and strong Christian beliefs, it is very likely you will find that person—without necessarily finding the love you want and need.
Great sex partners often make for horrible spouses. Great income-earners are often unequipped to see you through times of grief or illness. This is the reality behind unstainable relationships, unhappy marriages and the oft-referenced plus percent divorce rate. This is how we enter and commit to relationships that have everything we want, only to find—to our frustration, disappointment and even anger and bitterness—that they never seem to have the one thing we need.
To find love, you need to actually look for it. That is, look for relationships defined by respect, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, fidelity and safety. Focus your search on relationship sustainers, not just attractors. Stop chasing and losing. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube.
Previous Next. View Larger Image. Instead, in our search for authentic, lasting love, we are taught to look for: Good looks: The most physically attractive person you can find. Good money: Someone with financial means and earning potential. Comments comments. Categories: Finding Healthy Love , Free Advice Tags: attractors , divorce , finding love , Grown love , healthy love , healthy relationships , looking for love , Loving in the Grown Zone , marriage , relationship education , sustainers 1 Comment.
Zara Green and Alfred Edmond Jr. Related Posts. One Comment. Jim April 16, at am - Reply. Most women nowadays just have too many demands, and are so very picky as well. Leave A Comment Cancel reply Comment. Click Image For Immediate Download! Recent Posts. My Tweets.
Some people find it easy to fall in love, others not so much. criterion, the reasons vary from person to person on why it's so hard to fall in love. Originally Answered: Why is it hard to find love? If I have learned anything in my short 19 years of life, it has been to learn.
It might seem contradictory at first, but these are some of the reasons why being an amazing woman often means spending a lot of time single:. Truly awesome women are often a mixture of a lot of things, and the result can be a bit overwhelming for some guys. Your confidence is intimidating.
Remember Me. Our need for love is present from our time in the womb; our capacity for healthy growth and development physical, mental and emotional depends on it.
What does it take to begin a relationship with God? Do you need to devote yourself to unselfish religious deeds?
Why Is True Love So Hard to Find?
Are you one of the many people that believe real love is so hard to find? Depending on what your idea of real love is, it may indeed be difficult to attain. The way that you form relationships may determine if real love is in your future. Love is not a tangible object, so it isn't something that we can actually grab on to. It is a feeling that occurs when two people believe that they want to be together and share intimacy. This rarely happens instantly, even though individuals may say that they knew they loved each other the minute their eyes met.
The Real Reason It’s So Hard to Find Love. (It’s Not What You Think.)
Small-town Britain is the home of romance. The birthplace of nervous, Lynx-scented meetings in pleather-upholstered bars. The natural habitat of lingering eye-contact over uneaten olives and awkward half-snogs next to the pay-and-display machine. In my experience, London is a heartless town of workaholics and commitment-phobes. Often it feels like people living inside the M25 are no more likely to identify as single and looking for love than we are to share a toothbrush with a stranger on the tube. Oh sure, they might download Happn or swipe their way through Tinder , but lay their heart open to possible commitment or rejection? The possibility of finding love is inversely proportionate to your choice of places to eat lunch. We have been spoiled by choice. We have been undone by the search for something special. The people in my Facebook timeline who are buying puppies and having babies are the ones who stayed in their small town nest.
Why is it so hard to find love?? And, this is after trying matchmaking, Tinder, Bumble, Ok Cupid, Hinge, virtually every other dating app, and attending various singles events.
Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude.
Why love is hard to find in the bright lights of the city
We have gotten so far away from traditional love and what the meaning of true love is that most people don't even know what they are looking for. True love isn't jealous, it is self-sacrificing, it is healthy, it is not boastful, it never angers, it is giving when you don't feel like giving, it takes time and the willingness and capability to make it through hardships, when you are ready, willing, and able as well as love yourself then you will attract the mate that also has those positive qualities. Most people search for love in all the wrong places, thinking if they search and search they will for sure find what they are looking for. I absolutely love the stories of couples that found true love when they weren't looking at all. Today's society has conditioned us to interact with others on such an impersonable level. We text and email instead of call and we introduce ourselves through cell phone apps and Skype instead of meeting in person or being introduced by family and friends. We have grown to be such a shallow society and accepting the unacceptable as well as not being good mates when we search for love. How can we attract the mate that is right for us if we don't know who we are looking for or what qualities we want in a soul mate. How can we expect to date someone that dresses well and takes care of themselves if we are sloppy in our appearance and have an I don't care attitude. It is also difficult to be kind and show love when all some people have known is heart break, disappointments, rejection, abuse and break up after break up. When we don't rid ourselves of the emotional baggage we carry from relationship to relationship we end up spoiling it for a good mate or pushing away someone who might be really good for us. We have to learn how to deal with our past emotions, grieve our losses, exercise self-care to heal and learn not to stuff our feelings so that when situations arise we can handle them with healthy responses. Many people's defense mechanisms are to put up walls and lack trust and that really closes others off from approaching us in asking for a date or to begin a new friendship possibly leading to a long-term relationship. I know heartache sometimes changes our personalities, making us less loveable and we tend to place blame instead of own our parts and move on. We stay stuck in playing the victim roles and lack responsibility for our wrongdoings and most people are not attracted to that type of person.
9 Reasons This Generation Is Having So Much Trouble Finding True Love
Some people find it easy to fall in love, others not so much. We tend to fall in love with people who meet a certain criteria in our mind. This subconscious criterion is based on our past experiences, relationship with our parents or events that have happened in our lives. Labels can terrify some people, but for others, the uncertainty of where the relationship stands is also terrifying. Modern dating has become so ambiguous and confusing. The hook-up culture is so prominent in society these days, it allows minimal time for commitment, minimal emotional attachment and more opportunities for physical pleasure.
